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I recently lost a dear friend, a 51 year old beloved wife, and a mother of many. I wanted to add “to cancer” but given that it was ultimately liver failure that brought about her demise, I don’t understand it to be due to the cancer but rather to the overload of poisons that, in the pursuit of fighting the cancer, overwhelmed her body’s efforts to detoxify.
To our crying eyes, it doesn’t much matter. She is still gone. Our only comfort is that she is with Jesus, and that we shall all meet again, in a twinkling of an eye.
Riding grief can be like suffering vertigo while on a boat. Sure, the waves calm on occasion, but then, out of nowhere, an inner roll rumbles to the surface and tumbles us. It becomes difficult to eat, the lungs hurt from the heaving, and the initial flood of tears makes way to sandpaper eyeballs (an apt description a friend gave to me) and a low overall vibration that makes even the escape of sleep tenuous. Some of us are spared from such sorrow, and others live their lives knowing nothing but. Such is the course of a post Genesis 3 world, until He comes again.
I’ve had some experience helping clients with using herbs to allievate the physical symptoms of grief. Some might argue that grief and sadness are merely emotional, or spiritual manifestations, and that using herbs is akin to using a witchy potion instead of fleeing to God for all comfort. I address if using herbs is akin to witchcraft here:
Just as I see no problem using herbs to help settle a tumultous stomach, or to relieve a headache, I see no problem using herbs to soothe a hurting heart, to lift low lying depression, or to calm your mind. The scriptures say that God gave man herbs for the service of man (Ps 104:24), and nowhere do I see that they are supposed to be simply meal enhancements. Unless you have underlying conditions for which your herbalist or doctor has specified particular herbs would be inappropriate, you’ll find herbs to be a gentle support in times of emotional stress.
Below are some helps that may be considered:
Teas
Nervines are especially helpful here, but digestives are also appreciated. Nervines are herbs that, as the name suggests, reduces tension in the nervous system. Digestives are herbs that help promote the digestion of food. Both are especially helpful in times of anxiety or other stress.
Any of these herbs can be used on their own, or can be combined with one or two others. Typically I use 1TB of dried cut herbs in my 12 oz mug of very hot water, and steep five minutes or more. Please understand that simply stopping, heating hot water, taking the time to steep, and inhaling the wonderful scents before sipping also go a long way to calming the mind and body. I truly could not pick a favorite from this list, and alternate through them all on a regular basis.
Rose: heart tonic, digestive, antidepressant
Lemon balm: nervine, digetive, also antiviral for additional immune support
Chamomile: nervine, digestive
Milky oats: nervine, spasmolytic
Nettle: nutritive
Tulsi: anti-nausea
Linden: nervine, immune supportive
Lemon verbena: anti-anxiety
Lemongrass: opens the respiratory system
Hawthorn berry: nervine, heart tonic, digestive
Sassafras: promotes overall wellness
Here is a blend I personally like:
1 part sassafras
1 part linden
1 part lemon verbena
1 part lemongrass
And another:
3 parts chamomile
2 parts linden
1 part rose
Tinctures
Healing Heart is probably my favorite and one I keep on hand. It is a lovely blend of many of the herbs above, and I find it very calming.
A sedative might be helpful to promote sleep. Passionflower and valerian are my favorites for this, and I especially like the combination in this Relaxing Sleep tincture.
Mimosa tree (Albizia julibrissin) is a calming herb that is not sedating, and can be helpful for anxiety relief.
Essential Oils
Below are some essential oils helpful for stress, grief, and anxiety:
Lavender: probably the best known for relieving stress
Bergamot: my favorite! improves circulation, antidepressant, digestive
Vetiver: helps to improve circulation and mental focus
Clary Sage: supports hormone balance and helps reduce stress
Pranarom’s Stress Recovery is a nice blend of essential oils and one I keep close at hand. It’s easy to throw in a purse and simply put a drop or two in the palms, rub together, and inhale.
You can find many quality, organic essential oils at Mountain Rose Herbs.
Baths
A step up from making time for tea is pulling a bath. If you’re fortunate enough to have a deep tub, soaking the body in a hot bath is especially restorative. Add some herbal goodness and let the heat, water, and plants tend to your whole body. Crying in the bathtub does wonders, too.
For one bath, mix together:
1 cup epsom salt
1/2 cup baking soda
3 drops of lavender essential oil (calming)
3 drops of cypress essential oil (calming and detoxifying)
1/4 cup of dried rose petals (or one handful fresh from an organic garden; do not use market bought flowers as they usually are full of pesticides)
1 TB ground oats
Add to the bath and when finished, strain out the petals before releasing the water down the drain.
Taking care of yourself can be really difficult if you’re currently riding those stormy waves (she wants me to mix herbs…and make tea….???) but if you’re able to read this post, perhaps you’re at a point where small steps and a cup of tea seem sensible.
Other ways to tenderly restore yourself or others are included here, not because you don’t already perhaps know them, but because sometimes having a list can lighten the mental load of thinking about “what to do”:
Read the Bible, especially the psalms. My favorite thing to do, when I am feeling wayward, is to pick the psalm that matches the date, and then add 30 until the end of the book. If today was the 27th, I’d read psalms 27, 57, 87, 117, and 147.
Cast your cares upon the Lord, for He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Stay close to Him in prayer, and continue to give the situation and the people you love to Him.
Write in a journal, or scribble around in an art journal. I find both of these practices to be a blessing in my life.
Take a break from social media. Silence your phone for long periods of time. You can get back to people when you are ready.
Be kind to your body. Nourish yourself well. If you aren’t very hungry, drink simple bone broths and eat slices of sourdough toast with plenty of butter. A handful of organic grapes can be refreshing.
Take at least one daily walk outside. Keep the earbuds out of your ears and listen to the birds and breeze instead. Touch the trees, notice the squirrels, sit on a bench and take deep breaths of fresh air.
Sleep. Nap. Sleep some more. Go to bed as soon after sunset as you are able, and sleep. Cancel some appointments, stay home, and do all the restful things.
May the Lord be near to you, as He has promised, and bind up your broken hearts. Remember Jesus is in the boat with you, and He controls the waves and the wind. I wish you well, friend.